In my office, a portrait of my father as a young man hangs on the wall. Next month marks 37 years since he passed away, though it seems like yesterday. Over the years, that picture has become part of the landscape of my life. It sits there like an old friend who I rarely notice. That is, I didn’t notice it much until today.
Two weeks ago, I had cataract surgery, and suddenly, I am seeing things as if for the first time. Every day has provided me with new visual stimulation and today was no exception. This morning, I sat in a Zoom meeting-–one of countless meetings I’ve taken part in during the past seven months. But something was different. At first, I couldn’t put my finger on it, but suddenly I realized it was my vision.
The surgery provided me with the ability to see the world through a multi-focal lens, so I can now see close up and distance at the same time. Today, as I looked at myself in the “Zoom window” I noticed my Zoom background for the first time. I mean, really noticed it. And what I saw astounded me.
I had unknowingly set up my camera so the picture of my father showed up in the background, directly over my right shoulder. I stared at it, realizing I had inadvertently placed an angel on my shoulder. For seven months, I’ve been in meeting after meeting with him in the background as I’ve struggled to adjust to this new way of being in the world and he’s been there all along. I never knew!
Thirty-seven years. Since I was only 26 when he died, I have lived far more years without him than with him. But this morning I realized he is still there watching over me. He will always be there, no matter how difficult life gets. He sits on my shoulder like a guardian angel, and I can feel him. He is there, hovering just above my shoulder, whispering into my ear.
“There’s nothing to fear but fear itself,” was one of his favorite aphorisms. He loved pithy little sayings and never hesitated to use one if he felt it was appropriate. Would that be what he is saying to me today as he watches me worry about every piece of news I read? I close my eyes for a moment and listen. Once again, I can feel him He is there, sitting next to me, telling me everything will be okay. Telling me to trust in life.
